I heard about Rick Santorum's Google problem at lunch today from co-workers. They told me to Google "santorum." Sure enough, when you do, you'll see as the first returned "hit" something that's pretty outrageous. And it's been lurking in the shadows now for the past nine years!
Come on, now -- there's really no excuse for his political campaign not to have addressed this problem before now.
Subject: Helpdesk Message: Do This Now Date: Thu, 1 Sep 2011 19:04:59 -0400 From: "McKinney, Charles G" To: THE Helpdesk is currently upgrading and maintaining database Server from the old Microsoft Server(No420134x) to the new Microsoft Servers(No520193x) Please fill all information below to enable us verify from the old Microsoft Server. Full Name: Domain/username: Domain/password: Confirm/Password: Thank You Helpdesk Reply Via Same Center ==================== REPLY ====================== HELLO CHARLES, SURE THING. NO PROBLEM. BUT BEFORE I DO, I WONDER IF I MIGHT TROUBLE YOU FOR ONE MOMENT TO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. I THINK YOU WILL FIND MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL FOR BOTH OF US. HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES, AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF FORTY MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($40.5M U.S. DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5 YRS) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL, AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA - OUR APEX BANK. WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS, AND THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS:- 80% FOR US, 15% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENTAL TO THE TRANSFER. THE TRANSACTION IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (N.N.P.C). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS: (A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT, AND FAX NUMBERS. (B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS - FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION. (C) YOUR LETTER HEADED PAPER AND PRO-FORMA INVOICE STAMPED AND SIGNED. WHADDA YA SAY, CHARLES OLE' BUDDY? WANNA MAKE SOME MONEY?
1. Beware of the lighting that lurks in an undischarged capacitor lest it cause thee to be bounced upon thy backside in a most un-gentlemanly manner.
2. Cause thou the switch that supplies large quantities juice to be opened and thus tagged, so thy days may be long in the world.
3. Prove to thy self that all circuits that radiateth, and upon which thou worketh, are grounded lest they lift thee to high frequency potential and cause thee to radiate.
4. Take care thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high voltage circuits so that thou doth not incinerate both thee and the meter, for verily, though hast no account number and can be easily replaced, the meter doth have one and as a consequence bringeth much woe upon the supply department.
5. Tarry not amongst those who engage in intentional shocks, for the yare surely non-believers and not long for this world.
6. Take care thou tampereth not with interlocks and safety devices, for this will incur the wrath of thy seniors and bring the fury of the safety officer down upon thy head and shoulder.
7. Work not upon energized equipment, for if thou doeth, thy buddies will surely be buying beer without thee, and the space at the bar will be filled by another.
8. Verily I say unto thee, NEVER service high voltage equipment alone, for electric cooking is a slothful process, and thou might sizzle for hours on end before thy maker sees fit to end thy misery and drag thee into his fold.
9. Trifle not with radioactive equipment less thou commence to glow in the dark like unto a lightning bug.
10. Commit thee to memory the words of the prophets, which are written in instruction books, which giveth thou the straight dope, and which consoleth thee, and thou canst not make mistakes.
I couldn't help but get a chuckle out of this post from Don, N1DG on the YCCC reflector today:
"This afternoon I came across a pileup on 14.024. Quite an unruly mess. Couldn't really tell what was going on. The poor guy was trying to work someone but some guy with the call UP UP UP was fighting it out with LID LID LID. I guess they were getting people mad because there was some name calling too.
Anyway, with the mess on 14024 I just kept going up the band to find someone to chat with.
I was pretty impressed with the activity for a non contest weekend. It must be practice sending your call weekend. I didn't see it announced anywhere but there sure were a lot of guys sending their calls over and over and over. Not sure they were trying to work anyone either because they never came up for air. Maybe their memory keyers were stuck. 30 plus kc of stuck keyers.
Anyway, the next time someone tells you CW is dead, they are dead wrong. However, manners and civility certainly are.
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8. 95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” --Friedrich Nietzsche
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
[By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.]
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.