Humor

I heard about Rick Santorum's Google problem at lunch today from co-workers. They told me to Google "santorum." Sure enough, when you do, you'll see as the first returned "hit" something that's pretty outrageous. And it's been lurking in the shadows now for the past nine years!

Come on, now -- there's really no excuse for his political campaign not to have addressed this problem before now.

1. Beware of the lighting that lurks in an undischarged capacitor lest it cause thee to be bounced upon thy backside in a most un-gentlemanly  manner.

2. Cause thou the switch that supplies large quantities juice to be opened and thus tagged, so thy days may be long in the world.

3. Prove to thy self that all circuits that radiateth, and upon which thou worketh, are grounded lest they lift thee to high frequency potential and cause thee to radiate.

4. Take care thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high voltage circuits so that thou doth not incinerate both thee and  the meter, for verily, though hast no account number and can be easily replaced, the meter doth have one and as a consequence bringeth much woe upon the supply department.

5. Tarry not amongst those who engage in intentional shocks, for the yare surely non-believers and not long for this world.

6. Take care thou tampereth not with interlocks and safety devices, for this will incur the wrath of thy seniors and bring the fury of the safety officer down upon thy head and shoulder.

7. Work not upon energized equipment, for if thou doeth, thy buddies will surely be buying beer without thee, and the space at the bar will be filled by another.

8. Verily I say unto thee, NEVER service high voltage equipment alone, for electric cooking is a slothful process, and thou might sizzle for  hours on end before thy maker sees fit to end thy misery and drag thee into his fold.

9. Trifle not with radioactive equipment less thou commence to glow in the dark like unto a lightning bug.

10. Commit thee to memory the words of the prophets, which are written in instruction books, which giveth thou the straight dope, and which  consoleth thee, and thou canst not make mistakes.

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8. 95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” --Friedrich Nietzsche