Humor

Seen on a TwitPic:

ptemples: Barney apparently wants to abolish Fannie & Freddie. Heck, let's not stop there. Let's do away with Dick & Jane and John & Alice, too.

See original: Barney apparently wants to abolish Fannie & Freddie. Heck, let's not stop there. Let's do away with Dick & Jane and John & ...

A Cajun who died went to hell. The devil assigned him the usual punishment ... put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others.

The devil came back sometime later surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you’re not so much as sweating here where everyone else is screaming for relief from the heat?" The Cajun laughed and said, "Man, I was raised in the bayous of Sout Looziana. Dis ain't nothin' but May in Morgan City to me!"

The devil decided to really put the Cajun through it. He put him in a sealed off cave in the pit with open blazes and four extra furnaces blasting. When he came back, days later, the Cajun was sitting pretty, had barely begun to bead up with sweat. The devil was outraged.  "How is this possible!?  You should be melted to a shrieking puddle in these conditions!.." The Cajun laughed even harder than before.  "Hey, man!  I done tole you.  I was raised in Sout Looziana. You tink dis is heat?!  Dis ain't nothin' but August in Cow Island!"

So the devil thought, 'Alright, a little reverse ought to do the trick.'  He put the Cajun into a corner of hell where no heat ever reached. It was freezing and to add to the Cajun's misery, he added massive icebergs and blasting frozen air.  When he returned, the Cajun was shivering, ice hung from every part of him but he was grinning like it was Christmas. Exasperated, the devil asked "HOW!?  How is it possible?!  You're impervious to heat and here you sit in conditions you can't be used to...freezing cold and yet you're happier than if you were in heaven. WHY?!"

The Cajun kept grinning and asked, "Don't dis mean de Saints won da Super Bowl?"

--Thanks, Martin Hugh-Jones

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

--Thanks, PART-L. Original source unknown