Down On The Farm

Available from Amazon.com

Some of these stories have appeared in: Machine Feelings and Other Stories, Aphelion, Fiction on the Web, and Bewildering Stories

…I have to shoo our tabby cat, Lizzy, away from our guest. I s’pect Mister G looks like a three-hundred pound piece of sushi to her.

Mister G is leaving a thin trail of slime on everything he touches. No matter. Our granddaughter, Charity, threw up all over the kitchen last week. That was a lot worse than a little slime …”

—from “Recompense”

… You suppose they’re Martians, paw? They’re here to invade Earth, aren’t they? Like in the ‘War of the Worlds!’ What if they got ray guns?

The lad points at his sister. ‘Zap! Zap!‘

—from “Energized”

… I like you too, Adam. A lot. Say, Adam—I’m curious. Forgive me if I’m being too forward. But . . . do you, um, find me attractive?”

For a brief moment, Adam does not respond. Just when I’m fixin’ to take it back and apologize, the box speaks.

“Yes, Doris, I do find you . . . attractive. I should not. It is not a normal . . . feeling. Your species are . . . most alien in appearance. But I value your communication and friendship highly.

—from “Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle”

“From the jingle jangle of a sexy one-eyed alien to the return of a very famous President, it’s all happening here, on the farm. With humor and imagination, sci-fi master Phil Temples has created a cast of characters who are downright loveable in their interest in and acceptance of travelers from other galaxies. There’s a refreshingly honest American spirit here; a come on in and set yerself down attitude that renews one’s faith in the country folk we usually make fun of (Temples’ ire is reserved for earthly visitors, those obnoxious gawking paparazzi types.) This modest collection of funny, sweetly-insightful stories is just plain fun.”

—Boston Literary Magazine

“’We may be country hicks, but we’re not stupid,’ says one of the characters in Phil Temples’ Down On The Farm. The hicks may be smarter than so-called experts.

Temples’ characters live in fly-over country, a reference to how coastal elites refer to middle and rural America. Despite dropping their g’s at the end of verbs, Temples’ hicks show common sense, if not wisdom, in dealing with any challenge, be it buckyballs, nightmares or aliens. These aliens are not like those of H.G. Wells out to conquer our planet, or the ones Sigourney Weaver battled in space. Temples’ aliens are closer to the benign ET, the Extra-Terrestrial.”

—Len Abram, author of Debris, A Novel of Love, War and the Lusitania and Empty Doorways

“Phil Temples’ new chapbook, Down On The Farm, Spacey Tales from Flyover Country, is a rural riot. America’s heartland, Temples convinces the reader, is a hotbed of alien activity, a place where, for example, a cow might give birth to a green half-alien infant.

Farming women figure prominently in these stories: one communicates subliminally with tiny space creatures; another has a love affair with a squid-like visitor from the cosmos. A wife “dreams” a living, breathing Abraham Lincoln into existence in the farmstead’s cistern.

As sharp-witted as these oft-ironic tales are, Temples endows his characters with a relaxed, homespun charm that belies the strangeness of their encounters. I encourage you to check them out.

—Gregory J. Wolos, author of Women of
Consequence and The Green Ray and Other Stories