“Encased in a plastic liner, Fluffy’s reward poster had withstood the elements for years. Thanks to Daniel’s trusty chainsaw, a small section of telephone pole containing Fluffy’s likeness was suddenly transformed into concept art. The stump and poster sold for $6.2 million to a wealthy Chinese businessman, but the $50 reward for Fluffy went unclaimed.” —Fluffy Redux
~~~“The boy desperately wanted to escape his abusive homelife in rural Nebraska and join the traveling circus. But when he found out how much elephant shit he’d have to shovel to earn his keep, the farm chores and occasional beatings didn’t seem so bad.” —The Grass is Always Greener
~~~“The writer finds himself blocked from working on his seven hundred-page tome as a result of taking the lamotrigine his psychiatrist prescribed. Defeated, he sets aside the manuscript and begins turning out page after page of haikus.” —Literary Constipation
~~~“I watch the water droplets slowly inching their way down the window, moving in jagged patterns. Sometimes they face resistance and come to a halt. Other times, they collide and combine with their peers, racing to the bottom. Gravity ultimately assures their collective fates. Like death and taxes.” —Gravity
